I use humor as a defense mechanism.

If I can make a joke about it, I think it won't hurt me. Or at least no one will see that it hurts me.

But I'd rather be able to laugh it off than to let it show. If you can't laugh at yourself there's no fun in life.

I'm just a jumble of feelings right now.

Open hearts and hummingbirds.

I've got so many emotions and thoughts tumbling around in my mind. In one minute my mood can change from ecstatic to desolate to reminiscent  to hopeful, and just about a million other feelings.

I feel like I have my heart open for anyone to come and find their way inside. If a someone needs a friend, I'm ready and willing to be that shoulder to cry on or person to share that laugh with. But it seems like everyone is pulling away or leaving me behind.

I guess it's all part of growing up. Sometimes you need to just go it alone, right? Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining about being alone. I love Heather time. Those minutes, hours, days I spend by myself help me to reflect, focus, nurture and guide myself in the directions I want to take in my life. Thinking back on where I've been and looking forward to where I am going, while enjoying where I am right now, probably one of the most exciting (and moderately terrifying) things I've ever experienced.

I just wish my friends would be more hands on. I'm almost 24 - and though this time is so invigorating, it would be so much more enjoyable with some of my best friends by my side.

C'est la vie.